Ohh, America. Admit It.

If you ever doubted that Europe has a much higher level of culture than raw, polyglot, raucous, nekulturny USA, the results of the 2011 Eurovision Song Contest make it clear that we will never live up to their tasteful standards.

A few days ago. that bastion of high art, Azerbaijan celebrated winning this year’s Eurovision Song Contest held in Germany. Eldar Gasimov and Nigar Jamal of Ell/Nikki were voted Europe’s favorites, after scoring 221 points with their love song, Running Scared

Oh, you want to hear it? I should warn you first. It consists of a single musical phrase, made up of three notes, repeated over and over and over and over and over and over-produced in support of the most banal and insipid lyrics this side of a counterfeit Hallmark greeting card (and I am being grossly unfair to Hallmark by mentioning their name in this context.)


Isn’t it . . . ummh . . .  lovely? Romantic? Harmonious? Inventive, Fascinating? Thrilling? Heartfelt? Touching?  (please, please stop me).

How could we have ever hoped to compete with them using such trash as Sinatra, Crosby, Armstrong, Fitzgerald, Cole Porter, Miles Davis, Dorothy Fields, Arthur Schwartz, Sammy Kahn, Yip Harburg, Harold Arlen, Mel Torme, Renée Fleming, Mario Lanza, Kenny Baker, John Pizzarelli, and so on?

Ohh, America. Admit it.

You ain’t got no musical culcha like Azerbaijan got.

For example:

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